That coughing, sniffling, stuffy head, achey, no way I can go to school feeling....(AKA "The Icy Miracle")

On Christmas Eve, I contracted a respiratory virus, which held on through last week.  For five days, I coughed, gasped, hacked and borderline gagged in front of my kids.  I received varied responses, including:

"Miz Nilknarf!  You're scaring me!"
"I'm gonna pray for you, Miz Nilknarf!"
"You're gonna make us all sick!"
"Go get some water!"
and finally,
"You better go to the doctor, Miz Nilknarf, and I want you to call me afterwards and tell me what's wrong with you!"

 The verdict?  Pneumonia and bronchitis.  I am torn between berating myself for my stupidity and feeling like Super Teacher because I taught for a week with an illness that by all rights should have landed me in the hospital.  After a weekend in bed, I decided to take Monday off.  Then came Tuesday.  I was praying for a snow day.  The forecast looked less and less promising, but I hoped for a two hour delay.

I was rewarded with a 6:00 a.m. automated phone call, informing me that the county would start two hours late, but that would be evaluated at 7:00 a.m.  6:45, I got another phone call saying they weregoing with two hours late.  Reluctantly, I got up, showered and dressed for work.  I was sweaty and out of breath, but took comfort in the shortened day. 

I scraped the ice off my car, set Sirius to Howard Stern (this really gets me in the right frame of mind for a day at my school) and off I went, slipping and sliding through the neighborhood.  Half way to school, I get the call that schools will be closed all day.  It was a true Festivus Miracle! 

"Cut them Some Slack"

As I approach the end of the second 9 weeks (which means I am almost 50% finished with my first year!!), I have come to accept some things about my students. 

• They are not going to study, so I have to make all tests open book and/or open notes.
• They are not going to do homework, so I might as well not assign it.
• In a 75 minute period, I can probably get a good 30 minutes of work out of them, and that's on a good day.
• As a general rule, I care more about their education than their parents do.
• A "D" in their mind is perfectly acceptable.
• They really don't care about the SOLs, even though they must pass them to graduate.
• A major reason why they don't do well on the SOLs, is because they don't take the time to actually read the test.  They just kind of skim it and pick an answer that seems right.
• They have a ridiculous sense of entitlement ("I should be able to graduate having done absolutely no work.")
• And the most recent and disturbing discovery--the reason the students feel this way is that this is the message that is backed up by administration.

We were in the middle of exams when a snowstorm hit, which resulted in Christmas break starting two days early.  The make up days were scheduled for Wednesday and Thursday this week.  At the staff meeting on Monday, the principal flat out told us that because the kids had been on break, that we should curve the grades. 

This is outrageous.  In my mind, the kids actually had more time to study.  I get that they didn't take advantage of that opportunity, but I'm not going to reward it by giving them a better grade than they deserve.  I already prepped them by giving them the questions ahead of time.  We went over the answers in class.  That alone is ridiculous, but I have accepted that is what I need to do.  What I can not accept is out and out falsifying a grade just to make the school (principal) look better.

We were also told to give students the opportunity to make up missed work up until the end of the nine weeks.  I give plenty of opportunities for that--way more than I should.  If a student is actually willing to do some work, I am so thrilled that I only penalize them marginally for it being late.  However, there is a limit and when weeks go by with no effort, I enter the "0" in my grade book and move on. 

I will end this rant with a good story with an ironic ending.  English teachers love irony!  I have a student who I will call Joaquin, who from the first day of school showed himself to be highly motivated.  He is also personable and respectful.  I adore him.  In November, Joaquin stopped coming to class and a few weeks later I received an email from Administration.  It stated that Joaquin was having to support his family and in order to do so, he was working 40 hours a week at a lumber mill an hour away.  His shift was from 3:00 - 11:00 p.m. and in order to get there on time, he was cutting last period.  He had come to Administration because he hoped the school would work with him so he could continue school, while still meeting the financial needs of his family. 

I was absolutely happy to help Joaquin.  We made a deal that he could leave 30 minutes early if he made up the time by coming to SDS (our study hall).  Unfortunately, after a few weeks, it became too much for Joaquin and I didn't see him again before we left for break. Much to my delight, he showed up this week for his exam telling me that he'd been able to change his schedule to accommodate a full day of school.  He wanted to know if it was too late and if he could make up his work.  I told him of course I would help.  I suggested he take the exam and do the best he could and I would take into consideration the fact that he had missed much of the material. 

Guess what?  Joaquin scored the highest in the entire class with a 93% on his exam.  What does this tell me?  Obviously, Joaquin is smart and highly motivated.  It also tells me that the rest of the class, who was there for the work, put absolutely no effort into preparing for that exam--the exam that I gave them the questions and answers to in class.  Joaquin was not there for the review, yet by simply studying and actually reading the material, he managed to get a B+.  Isn't that funny how that works?  You study and you get good grades!  Crazy!  Who would've thought?!

Yet, I am expected to make concessions for those who aren't willing to study or do the work.  I am just supposed to let them coast through to make the school look  better.  I am totally willing to help someone who wants to work.  I will grade on a curve.  I will let that student make up work.  However, I am only going to help a student as much as he helps himself.  Otherwise, I am not doing them any favors. 

SNOW DAY!!

 I have experienced the joy and excitement of snow days as a kid missing school, as the stay at home mom of my kids who were excited to be missing school and more recently, the annoyance of a snow day when my kids were home and I had to figure out how to handle it because my office wasn't closed (and I didn't get paid if I didn't go in).  Nothing, however, is like the joy I am experiencing today, as a teacher experiencing my first snow day.  Not only is it an unexpected day off from school, not only is it exam week, but I have the potential to not be going back until after the holidays!!  My sixteen day break could now be eighteen days with NO EXAMS TO GRADE!!! 

This brings me to the jaw dropping behavior I have seen during the two exams I have given.  I was told flat out by another teacher not to expect my kids to do well on exams.  The principal wanted us to turn in our exams ahead of time along with whatever review we were going to do.  I guess the idea is so that when the kids fail, I can prove that I did what I could to prepare them.  Here is what I did--I gave them the questions ahead of time in class and had them go through their notes, find the answers and then I reviewed them.  One of those days, I had a sub.  I left her the questions and the answers to go over.  My infamous 7th period apparently didn't think it would be worthwhile to do this and my poor sub ended up calling administrator three times to get the class under control.  I made a copy of the sub report and sent it to the principal with a note that said "When my 7th period fails the exam--this is why."

On Tuesday I had a student painting her nails during my exam.  When I asked her to put it away, she started flossing her teeth.  Not surprisingly, she failed the exam--not just failed, but she missed 29 out of 50 questions.  I had two students show up late for the exam.  That blew me away--"Gee, nothing important going on today!  I'll just take my time getting to class!"  My favorite though, was the student who raised his hand and asked for a pencil.  "Really?" I said, "It didn't occur to you on exam day that you might need something to write with?  Sorry, I'm not going to help you out.  You are going to have to see if one of your classmates will take pity on you."  Apparently, most of them did not because it was several long seconds before someone finally offered up a pen. 

I also made a rookie mistake of making my 10th grade exam way too short.  We have two hours for exams.  My first student finished in 20 minutes.  The last one turned in their exam with 75 minutes left to go.  That was the longest 75 minutes of my life.  I ran back to my cubby and downloaded additional test questions for Friday, when the other two 10th grade classes have their exam.  Of course, now that is all potentially pointless because its coming down with no evidence that it will be cleared up in time for school tomorrow (she said with barely contained glee!!).

I end this post with something that made my heart melt and my department head's eyes roll.  As I graded exams yesterday, one student had written in tiny letters "I love you Miz Nilknarf!" at the top of her answer sheet.  This is a quiet, sweet girl who did very well on her exam.  Call me naive, but I took it as sincere, not a blatant attempt at sucking up.   My department head was completely unimpressed as I delightedly shoved it under his nose.  "I don't take that type of thing personally any more than I take the fuck you's personally."  Perhaps he is right.  But I hold onto that type of things like a starving animal snatches at crusts in the garbage.  Its the only way I can convince myself that I am not completely wasting my time.  

A Happy Post for a Change!

This is a crazy time of year.  There is a total dichotomy between what students are thinking and what teachers are thinking.  It goes something like this:

Me:  Oh Dear God!  Next week is midterm exams and then SOLs the week after we get back in January!  We have more work to do than ever!  Its very important that my students buckle down so we can get it all done!

My Students:  The holiday break is almost here!  I'm done!

I get it!  I really do... Anyway, I have a few really nice stories to share about three of my students. 

The first one is that last week my husband and I went out to breakfast.  As I was going through the buffet line I hear "Hi Miz Nilknarf!" and looked up to see one of my students.  She is 15 and I was shocked to hear she has worked there for two years!  This of course brings to mind all kinds of questions, including, is she here illegally and being paid under the table, but I digress...  I said hi, chatted with her a second and then sat back down.  A few minutes later I went back up to find my sweet husband still talking to her.  He jokingly said, "We were just talking to her about how mean you are!" and she said in such a sweet voice "You aren't mean at all!  I love your class!".  Made my day!

Second story:  I was out with a sick child on Thursday.  I walked through the cafeteria when I returned and one of my students ran up and hugged me like she hadn't seen me in a month!  "How is your son?" she asked...wow!  I guess they a) recognize that I really do have a life and b) care about me as a person.  Its very sweet (and shocking).

Third:  One of my students had her cell phone out at the end of class the other day.  I told her to put it on my desk.  The cell phone policy at school is very clear.  She went nuts "Oh Miz Nilknarf!  Don't you trifle with me!  Its the end of the class!  You ain't gonna take my cell phone away!  I been nothing but nice to you and you ain't gonna treat me like that!"  I was really annoyed and a little hurt that she would speak to me that way.  I started to write her up and then decided to hold off until the next morning.  One of my administrators told me about the "24 Hour Rule" where you hold off and give yourself some time to get some perspective. I decided to try and talk to her first and see how receptive she was.

I saw her out in the hall the next morning and said "Tiffany, do you have a minute for me?"
She responded, "I always have time for you, Miz Nilknarf!"  So far, so good....
"Tiffany, you know what the school policy is on cell phones....and if I let someone have it out the last two minutes of class, then..."
"I know Miz Nilknarf, you are right.  I am so sorry.  I had just read a text that made me mad and that's why I reacted that way... I am so sorry.  I didn't mean to be disrespectful."

Done.  It was much better to hold off and try and reach her on my own than to escalate things by involving administration.  So that's Miz Nilknarf's Holiday Advice #1 for you.

Here is #2.  Fourth period, I have three kids, including twins, who are constantly disruptive.  I have sent notes home, called home, and even had the kids write a contract for how they would improve their behavior.  I had them sign it, the parent sign it and I signed it.  The other day I wrote a referral for them, listing all previous efforts at managing their behavior.  On Friday, we were doing a review game for their midterm.  We worked in teams of three and of course, those 3 sat together--a Bermuda Triangle of obnoxious, disruptive behavior.  After several warnings, I kicked all three of them out to sit in the hall until class was over.  After they left, the difference was amazing.  The class was quiet, focused, respectful.  I didn't have to stop talking every three words to wait for the class to come to attention.  So, that is Miz Nilknarf's Holiday Advice #2--remove the bad apples.  They bring down the class.  Don't let the worst 5% of the class get 100% of your attention.

SOL Hell

When I was interviewing for teaching jobs, I had a schtick about the SOLs (Standards of Learning.  These are tests that the kids take at the end of the course to show that they have learned an adequate amount).  It went something like this:

"How would I handle the SOLs?  Well I plan to teach the skills all year and go well beyond the skills.  After all, the SOLs are only a minimum standard of knowledge.  With ongoing assessment and immediate remediation, I expect my students to tell me the SOLs are the easiest thing they have done all year!"  

Oh. My. God.  That was so naive, I want to slap myself.

Its a nice idea.  The issue is that I did not take into account that I am not 100% in control of how well these kids do.  Here is the reality....

1.  My kids don't care.  About anything.  They somehow imagine that I am going to drill a hole in their head, pour the info in and then they will all be magically granted basketball or football scholarships and go to college, where they won't have to do any studying.

2.  I have done ongoing assessments.  Its pointless.  Last month, my kids did a benchmark to see where I need to do some remediation.  In a pathetic attempt to motivate them and get them to take it seriously, I told them that it would count as a test grade.  I had four kids out of 35 get over a 70.  The majority failed or were just at passing (61).  Many failed at a level that made my jaw drop.  I had one kid, a fairly decent student, who scored a 28 out of 100.  I said to her "Please tell me you blew the test off and this is not in any way representative of what you know."  She laughed and said, "Yeah, I didn't feel like taking that test." 

3.  Students must pass the SOLs to graduate.  Pass.  That's really a low standard of performance and one that is not considered acceptable to the principal, our county, or the state.  Whose job is it to make sure these kids not only pass, but do well?  Mine. Its my job. 

How exactly am I supposed to do this?  Its not enough for me to teach it.  They have to actually pay attention, learn it, and then make the effort on testing day.  Yet, when the scores come back, the lack of success will be blamed on the school in general and the teacher specifically for failing to adequately teach the students.

 The 11th grade SOL is coming up in January--that's right, they take a test on info I am supposed to have an entire school year to teach them, just a little over 3 months after they walked into my class. These are the moments when I want to put my head down on my desk and wave the white flag.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Need

As part of Phase II of my teaching, we have to post regularly on a message board about our experiences and comment on others' posts.  One fellow cohort, who has annoyed the crap out of me since Day 1, constantly brags about how great she is, how well her students behave, and how impressed Admin is with her.  Now, it is of note, that she doesn't have a full time job and subbing, no matter how often or long term, is a whole different ball of wax.  Anyway, she posted about how fantastic her classroom management is and how "you could've heard a pin drop" while she was teaching.  Wow.  That's fantastic.  Meanwhile, in my classroom, I am happy if I go a whole day without having to kick someone out of the classroom or write a referral!

With no disrespect intended to anyone (because teaching even in ideal circumstances is a tough gig), I teach at one of the most difficult schools in the area with the exception of the city schools.  The student population and what they are dealing with has a lot to do with how they behave in school.  My first week in my licensure classes, we learned about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.  The basic idea is that if you don't have your basic needs fulfilled-- such as those essential for survival and comfort, it really impacts your ability to do anything else.  I see this first hand at my school. The usual techniques just do not work with these kids and you really have to do some creative thinking.  I am dealing with a whole different set of kids who have a whole different circumstance out of the classroom.

I had an older, seasoned teacher remind me of something the other day that I had not considered.  Yes, the kids talk and joke around and play--part of that is because they ARE kids and sometimes school is the only place they get to be one.  I have kids who leave school and are dealing with poverty, abuse, working 40 hours a week plus going to school, taking care of siblings, taking care of their own children, living in their car or hiding out because they are in the country illegally.  School is possibly the only place they feel safe enough to act like a kid--talk, laugh, goof off and be irresponsible.  Yes, I totally find it annoying and frustrating when they think my class is the place to goof off when they are there to learn.  However, you have to look beyond the behavior and consider the whole condition of the child.

So, in closing, I'd like to see how that woman does at my school subbing and if she could hear a pin drop in her classroom.  At my school, its so difficult for subs that we have trouble finding any and teachers end up filling in for each other when there is an absence.   She's welcome to come try.

Thanks Admin, for Crushing my Spirit

Last week, I had a student come to class looking for a fight.  Why?  Because she had not turned in her book report and therefore, she earned a 0 and thus, an F for the 9 weeks.  Keep in mind, this was a project announced 6 weeks before, with many steps along the way.  But that's not the point.  The point is, she was mad and came into class ready to punish me.

For simplicity's sake, I think I will just cut and paste my "statement" written for Admin....

On Wednesday, November 3, 2010, J*** came to class very agitated.  Everything that I said in class was met with a disrespectful and/or combative response.  We were going to the library and so as we walked out, I asked her  if she was ok.  She told me she had nothing to say to me.  I asked if she needed to go to guidance.  I did this because after a similar incident with J*** the previous week during a test, Ms. Guidance Counselor asked me to please do this as a courtesy in the future when J*** got upset, because she has been working with J*** on controlling her emotions.  J*** refused to go.  I warned her that there would be consequences if she continued on with this behavior.  She told me that I couldn’t do anything to her and then walked ahead of me to the library.  Just in case, I grabbed a guidance pass before locking up the classroom.

When I found her in the library, instead of looking for a book, she was seated on the sofa loudly talking to three other students about the situation with the Book Report.  I leaned over and quietly told her that she needed to either go to guidance or I would call an administrator.  She stated that she wasn’t going anywhere.  I asked the librarian to call an administrator.  When J*** saw that an administrator was being called, she apparently got up and went to guidance.  By the time, Mr. Morale-Crushing Administrator arrived, J*** was gone and I briefed him on the situation.

J*** returned to class in no better frame of mind than she was in before.  Instead of doing her work, she had a printout with her grades in my class on it and was talking to a friend loudly saying “How can I have good grades in this class all 9 weeks and then fail because I didn’t turn one thing in?”  I gave J*** her work and told her what we were doing.  She resisted doing the work and argued with me.  I told her that we could talk about it after class but this was not the time or place.  J*** was very angry and aggressive.  At that point, I told her I was calling an administrator.  I picked up the phone and dialed and while it was ringing, J*** said something (and I can not remember the exact words) to the effect that she was going to punch me in the mouth.  “Mouth” is the only word that I remember for sure as being used—the verb is unclear, but it was clearly a physical threat.  I was so shocked and upset by what was such an obvious threat, I could not believe what I heard and I turned around and said,

“J***, what did you just say?”

She responded, “You heard me!  Why I need to repeat it?”

At that moment, I was so stunned I blurted out, “Because I was hoping you would have the sense to shut your stupid mouth.”

At that point, I stepped into the doorway to wait for an administrator.  

******************************************************************

Ok, was that the best thing to say?  No. But I had just been threatened and wasn't exactly thinking clearly.  At worst, I insulted this child.  I didn't threaten her for crying out loud.  The problem?  No one heard exactly what J*** said, but EVERYONE heard what I had said.  So  Mr. Morale-Crushing Administrator informed me that while they would honor my request to have this child removed from my class, she would receive no disciplinary action.  Why?  Because of what I said to her.

"So let me understand this," I said.  "You are not disciplining her because of what I said in response to an entire class period of unacceptable behavior?"

That's right.

"You are then sending the message to a student that if they ramp up their behavior to a level that makes a teacher lose it, there will be no consequences."

I disagree.

"Ok, so her defiant, disrespectful and disruptive behavior is considered acceptable?  Because if that's what you are saying, then I'm not sure I can let this go."

Ok, fine.  I'll give her 2 days of ISD <In School Detention>.  (By the way, I am not sure this ever happened).

I was somewhat satisfied at that point, but more than anything, deeply disturbed by the lack of support I had gotten from Admin.  Did I  mention that this child had been kicked out of school the year before and had to go to "Community," which is the county high school for the kids who are a discipline problem?   But, she gets the benefit of the doubt instead of the teacher....that makes TOTAL sense. 

The upside to this, if there is one, is that I found out that I was not the exception, but the rule.  Across the board, I had teachers of every age, color, subject and teaching style come tell me similar stories. I also had their total support.  My Department Head (who I am totally in love with now) as well as my mentor (who was assigned to me when I started my job), totally went to bat for me with Admin.  I could feel the love and it helped alot.  But the "Us versus Them" atmosphere is disturbing. 

My mother told me how sad she was that I was teaching "in that kind of school"--meaning one full of poor, minorities.  They aren't the problem.  Its Admin., and I could have that problem at any school.  So now I know.  Document everything.  Watch my mouth. Expect no support.  Most important--I broke down and joined the NEA (National Education Association), because apparently Admin. is less likely to mess with you if you have a national organization with free lawyers behind you.  

Live and learn... Sigh...