Friday, October 15, 2010

"A Bear Walks Into a Bar..." and Other Things I do to Annoy My Students...

"A bear walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender 'I'll have a vodka and................................tonic.' The bartender says 'Why the big pause?' and he says 'Because I'm a bear!"

Get it?? Pause?  Paws?  Oh my god, I am so hilarious!

When I laugh hysterically at my own jokes, my students look at me like I'm nuts.

Another example:

Student:  Ms Johnston, when is the report due?
Me: Well, the draft is due on Tuesday.
Student:  But when is it DUE, DUE.
Me:  You said, doo doo.  BAHAHAHAHAHA! <Student rolls eyes as if I to say that I am completely immature.>

Another one:

Me:  Hey XXXXXX, can I talk to you for a second?.....Listen, I was wondering.  Am I your favorite teacher?

To Silence Them:

I sing an opera entitled "I wish you guys would be quiet!"

To the Hispanic Kids:

"Um, when you guys speak Spanish, it makes me paranoid that you are talking about me."

When they aren't doing their work:
"I know you don't want to waste one minute of class time, so let me give you another worksheet to do"

When they are talking while I am giving directions:
I start whispering the directions so they  miss them and then I refuse to repeat them.

The ones that are especially annoying:
I greet with great delight in the hall "HEEEEEY XXXX, how are you?  I missed you so much this weekend!  Where are ya going?  How is your day going?  Where'd you get that shirt?"

And my favorite--if someone wastes my time during class, my new technique is making them leave class last.  I wait til everyone else has walked out and then I go over to them and just sit there staring at them and then I go "Well you wasted my time, so now I'm just going to waste yours...wasting, wasting, wasting...<then I break into song about it.>"

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